I’ve finished watching “Straight to Hell” on Netflix.
This drama is based on a true story of the most famous/notorious fortune teller in Japan, Kazuko Hosoki. She was the face of showbiz about 20 years ago, like one of those TV evangelists in the US, and even if you despise her it was hard to avoid seeing her on television, berating celebrities mercilessly in her glittering dresses that only Liberace could compete.
One of the most absurd things was that some comedians were forced advised to change their names to succeed. A comedy duo Osaru (which means monkey in Japanese) and Coala (which means Coala in Japanese) both ended up changing their names to Monkikki and Happi Happy respectively. Never seen them since.
But what stuck to my brain so strongly was when Stevie Wonder and Bon Jovi guested for her show. I remember being taken aback by her holding Stevie’s hand without asking, like she’d know him for years, and felt disgusted how arrogant she was. Although the Netflix series is pretty much exaggerated, it confirmed my gut instinct that she was really good at sucking up to influential people.
I think Bon Jovi were on the show to promote their new album. In retrospect, it’s unbelievable a band as big as Bon Jovi to be on such a programme hosted by a shady fortune teller - I felt sorry for them. She told them she loves rock music, saying it’s a sound that comes straight from the core of your heart. I wonder how many audiance believed this revelation. I didn’t. I thought it’s a downright lie. She wouldn’t have noticed if it were Wrong Jovi in the studio.
Eventually, it was her connection with Yakuza that ended her career in television, but she had enough ardent followers to keep her rich until the last breath. It was all too crazy but nobody was aware what the fuck was going on. 20 years has passed. Nothing much has changed.
I’m very cautious about buying things. I would spend ages on pros and cons before purchasing and ask myself if I really need it or I just want to “have” it. Most of the time it works fine. Sleep on it for 6 months. Chances are you won’t even remember what you were buying.
But sometimes, I totally lose control and buy ridiculous things without doubting the slightest if I’m making the right decision.
The very first “mistake” I made was a humongous book called The Official Michael Jackson Opus.
This book was published not long after the King of Pop’s sudden and tragic death. At the time, I was shell-shocked by the news as I was a massive fan. I genuinely thought I could never get over it. This opus looked so appealing to commemorate his life and prove my love for the late singer so I stupidly spend most of my savings for this.
This book is, literally, magnificent. It’s full of high quality photos and writings by Michael’s friends (including the guy who made allegations against Michael in the Netflix documentary a few years ago). Once you open it you’ll forget the time. The thing is, it weighs more than 10 KG. It’s so big that it could be used as a coffee table if it had wooden legs attached to it (copyright: Cosmo Kramer). Obviously, it’s not something a high school student who lives with parents should buy. Not easy to carry around and unable to put in a shelf, pretty soon I lost interest in the book. It turned into a kind of elephant in the room until, much to my mother’s relief, I came back to my senses and got rid of it. Don’t ask me how.
The second one is an autographed picture of an actor Tim Curry.
I bought it from a company called OC Celebrity Marketing which sells autographed items and organises live signing events. You order pictures, and celebrities autograph them for you at signings. This is how it works, except for stock items.
At the height of my Tim Curry obsession, I saw a post about an upcoming signing event on his official Facebook page. After a brief consideration, I ordered a photograph of him as Long John Silver from Muppet Treasure Island. It cost me around ¥30,000. The event was live-streamed very early in the morning in Japan time. Although I was half-conscious while Tim was autographing and answering questions from fans, I’m 100% sure I saw my item being signed in my own eyes.
Shipping was fast. Only one or two days later, it left the US and delivered to my place in two weeks. I opened the package in antici… pation, and a surprisingly plain copy of Tim greeted me. I mean, if you paid ¥30,000, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect a quality picture like those in Michael Jackson Opus, or is it?
Anyway, quality aside, I was excited having an autograph of my favourite actor. So excited that I decided to rewatch the live footage to see him signing this paper I was holding.
That’s where my excitement waned. I compared the signature on the one I got and the one in the video.
It was different.
I was puzzled, then I remembered it has an authentication number. I typed it on the website if it had been registered.
There was no result.
My suspicion grew and I contacted the customer service. At first, they seemed really helping, but soon they started giving me the runaround and stopped replying altogether. Nothing has resolved to this day.
I’m guessing they sent me a stock item for a reason I would never know. What happened to my item then? The autograph itself doesn’t look like printed, so it could be legit unless someone faked it.
Later, I learned that a lot of complaints has been made against them. It’s hard to believe Tim Curry’s management team are doing business with such an unreliable company, but what’s done is done. Since I can’t prove they sold me a fake autograph, all I can do is take it as a lesson. Think twice.
